| Sunday, December 30th, 2007 |
| 12:18 pm |
Booooooo
Forgot i had this thing..Might post a bit more later ;o) Current Mood:  hungryCurrent Music: Music from ART ATTACK |
| Monday, January 9th, 2006 |
| 1:18 am |
Bloody Doctors!!!
Grrrr..Why can`t bloody doctors agree when it is my baby`s health that is involved?!? Spent two hours ar A&E after the emerg GP thought Twigs might have Meningitis, Triage nurse and one doc said they *thought* she was ok and it wasn`t M, But they wanted to get tests done to rule it out, So i was sent out to wait to be seen..Then another Dr called us in, Looked at her and said she wasn`t "sick enough" for it to be M and said go home and keep an eye and if she gets worse bring her back!! :| Still doesn`t explain why she has purple/red blotches/pin prick dots all up her leg and thigh that don`t disappear when you press on them :'((( Am sitting up all night now to keep an eye on her...My poor bubba :((( Fuckin doctors!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Current Mood:  pissed off |
| Friday, August 5th, 2005 |
| 11:45 pm |
More depressing thoughts...
Am upset that if the cancer is here to stay and i lose my battle i`m going to have to die shut away and alone :'(( I love my family too much to be able to die at home with them..I could never put them through that. I want my kids to have good, happy memories..Not memories of mum being sick and dying in bed. Meh..So wish i could drink the Sambuca in the kitchen right now..Alc free Becks it is for me then eh. Current Mood: depressed |
| 11:12 pm |
My Funeral...
Not a nice subject...But one that might one day (well obvisously will one day) need to be brought up.. Wanted to get some things down while i`m not a total emo should the worst happen and everything goes out of my head... I have decided that i would like "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" by Eva Cassidy And/Or "Time Of Your Life" by Greenday played at my funeral...And that i want it to be a "fun" funeral..Nice bright colours and no maudling.. I want to be buried..I don`t wanna be burned :| n want somewhere my kids can come and "talk to me" if they want/need to. Guess anyone reading this must think i`ve really lost the plot :| Current Mood: crushed |
| Tuesday, June 7th, 2005 |
| 10:06 am |
Feel like a reject :'(
One of the things i was proud of myself for was being on the Anthony Nolan Bone Marrow Donor register...Might not seem much to some, But i have a real needle phobia and it`s quite an ordeal to go thru to donate..But hey..Whats some needles compared to saving someones life??!? I actually matched someone right up to the last hurdle once...Was fuckin scary..But like i said..I could have saved someones life so it was worth doing. Anyway...Cos of having this bastard cancer myself i`ve had to phone them this morning and tell them and conswquently i`ve had to come off the donor register :'(((( Feel such a fuckin failure and reject..Like i`m defected now...Stupid i guess...You can hardly give of urself when u have the same disease (or had?) that ur trying to cure them from. Oh well..Guess i`m just feeling sorry for myself today :| Current Mood: sadCurrent Music: Counting Crows ~ Colourblind |
| Thursday, June 2nd, 2005 |
| 1:15 pm |
emu :(
Though i would NEVER want anyone i care about to be in my position, I wish that for just one second they could truly appreciate my point of view on things :( I know it`s stupid to blank things and try and put off dealing with them when they`re so important...But they don`t appreciate how hard it is to be told something so shattering and the fall out afterwards.At first you go into autopilot and you`re just numb and shocked so it doesn`t sink in so you deal with it better..But once the reality sets in things aren`t as clear cut..You get the what ifs?..How long?..What next? Wish i could be someone else other than me for awhile :'( Current Mood: sad |
| Tuesday, May 31st, 2005 |
| 5:06 pm |
Well the shit has certainly hit the fan :|
It`s been a long time since i posted on here as i`ve been going thru a lot.Last time i posted it was to say i was pregnant.This has been a rocky road for me so far with lots of admissions to hospital and them deciding i had an ovarian cyst which needed operating on to save mine and my babies life.It took me a lot to agree and to sign the consent forms as there was a risk of losing my baby or dying anyway as it was major abdominal surgery.But in the end the was persuaded (grudgingly) to sign the form. When it came to going down to theatre i was strangely calm,I was surprised at myself about that.I was in a LOT of pain when i came round as i couldn`t have Morphone on tap like everyone else who has this surgery cos of the baby.I had to survive on Paracetamol and Co Dydramol and when i really kicked off they would give me Pethidine injections,Tho not often cos of baby and my BP was thru the floor. The first shock came when they informed me that my "ovarian cyst" was infact a ruptured appendix which i should have died of :|...The second shock was that as my body tried to stop me from dying it formed a poisonous abcess around the appendix but as it had been left it had spread to my other organs and they had to rupture my bladder to get it all out and if it had been left any longer i most certainly would have died. I`ve tried to put that behind me tho it`s only been 4 weeks and was starting to be more positive and realising how lucky i am until i had antenatal last Friday where the doc informed me that they had checked over my appendix and that i had cancer. To say i was shocked is an understatement.They told me that in this case they had got it all because they had taken all my appendix out.But i have to go for scans,dyes? and xrays after my baby is born on my bowel,bladder and tummy etc to see if it`s anywhere else.I just know that cheating death 3 times in one month is using up all ur luck and they`ll find it somewhere else and it`ll be too late for me :((( How the fuck are my kids gonna cope with losing their mum? They`re only babies to understand this shit...My baby won`t even know who i was.Will my hubbie get married again? Will my kids forget who i was? I was so looking forward to my "miracle baby" and now i`m just dreading it :| Having the baby means all the tests to shatter my world. Rant over for today..No doubt i`ll be back again soon...least it i type it all up here no1 else has to listen to it. Current Mood: crushedCurrent Music: KoRn ~ aLoNe i BrEaK |
| Monday, February 7th, 2005 |
| 4:56 pm |
Friday 16th September.... *Shocking*!!!
So.... As sooo many ppl are nosy @ ma LJ when i thought no-one ever read it... I`ve kinda been busted o_O lol ... I`m finding it REALLY hard to stay quiet about my news...But don`t wanna tempt fate :( I`ve told a select few ppl...But shockingly only ONE of them are from my family :O rofl! So...Went to the doctors this morning and was told my E.D.D is Friday 16th September :O Got given a load of bumph and told to make a booking appt with the midwife o_O I guess the nosy few who look here will now know ma news :p ...Others will know later i guess...I told Maggie & Jan at work today...Not telling anyone else at work yet tho... Jan said she`d cover me for my appts until i`m ready to tell our headmistress...Pain in the arse really...Cos by rights i`m entitled to paid time off for them...But if Jan covers me i have to cover her to make us even...That means working a full day :| Another pisser is that i`ve just lost over a stone and a half this last 8 weeks :|... AND i`m gonna probably have to swap my standing ticket for SOAD for seating :'( Anyway...For all u nosy feckas...As you`ll have guessed by now...I`m expecting a baby! :O Current Mood:  shockedCurrent Music: DüSe ~ Nackig |
| Sunday, February 6th, 2005 |
| 2:45 pm |
Shocked...
Have resisted posting in here since Friday afternoon... Am so fuckin shocked and reality hasn`t set in yet... Can`t say why cos i don`t want ppl knowing yet... Muha...No1 ever reads this thing anyway :p But still...Just incase ;) :p Current Mood: shockedCurrent Music: Eminem ~ The Way I Am |
| Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005 |
| 10:24 am |
emu =/
Didn`t update yesterday as i was feeling emu and didn`t bother coming online in the evening =/ I was really upset yesterday to read that a journalist whose online diary i had been following had died :'( He was dx with a brain tumour and since then had posted his thoughts and feelings online.I have followed this diary and read every entry.To read his "last entry" last week then find out he had died the beginning of this week was a shock :( My thought are now with his family..Hope he is at peace now :) So...For the rest of yesterday...It`s assesment week @ work and ***** was doing my head in with his spellings Grrr...In the end i sent him back to class cos i wanted to implant my pencil into his head as he was winding me up so much *fg* ***** was also doing my head in :| ..Claiming that simple words he KNEW were too difficult and throwing himself off his stool onto the floor and whingin loudly every time i gave him a word to spell ARGH!!! Oh the joys of assesments o_O only 3 more days to go *sigh* As of today...So far i`ve been a lazy bastard...Shoulda taken back the DVD`s that should have been back YESTERDAY lol ..And gone to the gym that i shoulda gone to yesterday...But i just CANNOT be arsed today =/ ...Pissed off too cos i had cereal for brekkie cos i`m starvin n there isn`t anything for me to it in the house Grml..Going to work early today for roast dinner tho *yam* hrhr ...Minus the potaotes of course ;) [/holy] Bollocks..This am is goin so fast...10.21am already...Work in an hour :'((( Bleh! Grr and i`m hungry AGAIN O_o lol Current Mood: gloomyCurrent Music: Puddle Of Mudd ~ She Fucking Hates Me |
| 10:00 am |
Another quiz thingy o_O
You Are 19 Years Old |
19
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
| Current Mood:  lazyCurrent Music: Day One ~ Bedroom Dancing |
| Monday, January 31st, 2005 |
| 7:27 pm |
Analyzed? :p
Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: Rachett n Clank3 o_O |
| Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 |
| 6:51 pm |
Blimey...
Not been here for ages...Din`t have too much to moan about hrhr :p Meh...Anyone who stumbles accross this must think i`m a miserable bastard cos i only use it to vent so it`s just full of me bitching lol... So...Here i am to bitch once again *fg.... :O :O :O James brought home a form for the PGL trip....They want FOUR HUNDRED N SEVENTY FIVE FUCKIN SQUIDS!!! I`m not sure it can stretch to that just for 9 days =/ ....But he wants to go...And is fine if we don`t wanna pay it so that makes me feel guilty for not letting him go when he`s being so understandable...Will think bout it =) Pissed Bunn off today too cos she got a party invitation for a "Donut Party"...They stick u in inflatable rings n spin n push u down hills :| ...Not impressed n don`t want her to go cos of her head...Meh :| Work is goin well :D ...Dunno if i`ll stay teaching after September...We`ll see...Might not even be able to =/ Oooh...Last mini bitch... I want a Dead Journal *stamps ma feet* ...Skint till friday tho tsk.. Sposed to be goin to see Apocalyptica and Breed77 this saturday...Had a fall out with Gabi tho so it`s a bit up in the air...Also monkeh lost his ticket and gig is sold out..Still tryna find him one but no1 got any :'( ARGHHHHHHHHHH :p |
| Sunday, January 2nd, 2005 |
| 7:39 pm |
New Year...New Life?!?
So...Tiz the start of a new year and i`m trying to be optomistic but it hasn`t really happened so far o_O Apart from 2002 when Bunn nearly died last year was my worst year ever and i`m so glad it`s behind me now....Still ...Gone into the new year with much the same problems as i had last year *sigh* One good thing...Marshall`s MRI came back clear for a brain tumour :D ..So they have given him the official diagnosis of Migraines and started him on (i think?) Beta blockers...They have also said his hypersensitivity has the potential to become a true allergy, So i must carry his Epi Pen around at all times...I`ve so far failed to do this =/ ...I must remember to! :| Bunn got her EMERGENCY hosp referral...For FEBRUARY! :| *grrrr*...Considering phoning her consultants secretary and making a nuisance of myself until they give her a nearer appointment :p I have hospital on 6th Jan but i`m not going to be able to make it meh!...I`m convinced i`ve put on weight since being on this stupid no carbs diet...Though other ppl have commented that i look like i`ve lost weight..So mebbe theres hope yet ;) I`m gonna demand to be referred to a Dietician next time i go to the hospital tho...Takes the piss sayin u can`t eat carbs and then giving no further advice as to what i CAN eat :p I`m not doing too bad on the Metformin...Been feeling as if i`m drunk a few times..Was even acting it when i first started the med lol ...Made a complete arse of myself @ works xmas do by talkin utter gibberish as if i was drunk...Bizarre stuff! Oh well..Rant over for another day *fg* Hope this year is better for EVERYONE :) |
| Tuesday, December 7th, 2004 |
| 4:46 pm |
Ep Or Hydro Again?
:( ...Well as if all the shit going on with marshall wasn`t enuff.. bunn has been worrying me about her "not feeling herself" and staring off into space and really bad headaches which are becoming from frequent so i took her to the docs yesterday. She has been sick with this flu virus thingy so i was hoping it might be that...But as the symptoms are identical..And on the way to the docs she told me that sometimes she feels how she did before her operation :| ...Talk bout fuckin panic...I don`t know if she means in relation to the hydro or ep...SO myself and the doc decided that the best things is to refer her back to the hospital to be on the safe side. Newest thing to worry me is her complaining on the way home from school today and not being able to do things she usually can at school.She said her head was being silly cos she couldn`t remember maths she knows she has learned and can do.That just comfirms it more that her ep might be on it`s way back :| ...She has made SO MUCH progress since her operation...It would be so gutting..Especially for her...to lose everything she has gained in the last two years. All i can think of to say right now is FUCK :| Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: Muse ~ Sing For Absolution |
| Saturday, November 27th, 2004 |
| 7:53 pm |
So...Two days on and still side affects?
Well...Thursday was a nightmare :( ... Marshall was sooo scared he wouldn`t speak to any of the doctors or nurses who tried to have any type of conversation with him...He was also upset that he wasn`t allowed to eat or drink or anything all day :( ...Eventually he was given a pre med and after about 20 mins or so he fell asleep...But when we were walking down to the scanning centre he began to get restless ...When we were outside the scanning room the aneasthetist had a look at him and any time he went near him he would stir so they decided he needed some sedation.They placed a mask gently next to his face as putting it on his mouth would have woken him up and he woulda freaked bigtime...Then when he was sedated enough they asked us to leave...I wouldn`t go without giving him a kiss..It was so fuckin hard to walk away knowing that after this moment the son i knew might never be again...Either through not surviving or being harmed in some way.(I have been told sedation is now considered risky hence the GA)I was told he would be down for approx 45 mins..But he was gone for over an hour..When i was called back down to get him he was freaking and totally out of it...The aneasthetists had to call 3 times for someone to come and bring him back to the ward...He had wet himself :( ...And was just so distressed it was hard to watch.He went back to sleep almost immediately after being roused...And it then took him nearly three hours to wake up..We were informed that he`d also had a full general aneasthetic on top of the pre med and sedation.It was then another two + hours after he woke up for him to be with it enough to go home.They said they were going to keep him in..But had to move him to the general childrens ward cos he was in a little side room which was part of the teenage unit and they needed it. They then sent him home at approx 9.35pm :| ...I think cos they had no room on the childrens ward and wanted the room he was in. He has been very "aggressive" since the GA..And complaining of headaches...feeling sick..Blurry vision..And being exhausted since he came home..And the friday morning he slept until 10.30am :O It`s not Saturday evening and he`s still not feeling well...I think he is still feeling the effects of all the sedation :( Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: HammerFall ~ Always Will Be |
| Thursday, November 25th, 2004 |
| 11:21 pm |
Emotionally Drained
:( Too drained to type anything tonight...All i can say is it`s luck we`re home tonight. Marshall took hours to get over the aneasthetic :'( Now i just have to stress about the results ;'(((((( Will rant tomorrow when i have the energy...Night all :( Current Mood: relievedCurrent Music: None =/ |
| 1:58 am |
D Day
So tomorrow morning Marshall goes into hospital :'((((((((((( He has been sick the last two days...I think cos he is so scared :( So io let him stay home from school today.I HAD to go to work..And i had Harley @ School with me yesterday cos she was off sick so i couldn`t take him with me today so he stayed with mum. He is being so clingy...And i feel so guilty at making him go...But i have no choice..He HAS to have this MRI Scan...I wish he didn`t but he does ;'(((( Just anyone that reads this keep your fingers crossed for us that he doesn`t have any bad side affects or reactions to the aneasthetic and that the MRI Scan doesn`t show anything bad. I`m hoping we won`t have to stay in hospital for too long...Back in a couple of days to rant again... :'(((((((((((( Current Mood: scaredCurrent Music: None :( |
| Sunday, November 21st, 2004 |
| 2:19 pm |
Shares in the hospital o_O
So... I`ve got three appointments at the hospital this coming week...I have to have another scan for the massive cyst they found when i had my last scan... I also have to see the doc bout my pco ...And Marshall has his MRI Scan on Thursday.I`m fuckin shitting it...What if he doesn`t wake up from the aneasthetic? What if they find a tumour?? ;'(((((((((( I wanna go to sleep and it be next month when all this shit is over ....And for it all to be fine. *sigh* ... I suppose i will get thru this cos i HAVE to... Rant over...For now :p Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: Maroon 5 ~ She Will Be Loved |
| Friday, November 19th, 2004 |
| 11:19 am |
WOOOFUCKINHOOOO :D... 19 is a good number for me it seems!
YaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaY.... Managed to get tickets for MUSE on 19th for BLOCK 19 :D:D:D on today the 19th ;) hrhr .... Dunno whether to pass on the tickets i have for the 20th or go to both o_O Really didn`t wanna go on 20th cos of work...meh... Talking of work..Better get my arse in gear..Wanted a bath b4 i went today..Not gonna have time now tsk! Current Mood: excitedCurrent Music: K`s Choice ~ Not An Addict |
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